The Dept. Of "Defense": Where The Hell Does Our Money Go?! Part II

    Bush is trying to start a new cold war with Russia to cover up his clusterf--k in Iraq.  He wants to build his "nuclear defense shield", or Star Wars, or whatever they're calling that black hole of money this week, in Europe.  Putin said if he does, Putin will aim nuclear missiles at Europe.  Once again, Bush and his advisers, making friends.  

         That "nuclear shield" has been siphoning money off from us, the taxpayers, since Reagan.  Only Reagan and Bush have ever actually believed in it.  Every scientist and other expert have always said the whole concept is impossible.  You cannot shoot down a nuclear warhead with another warhead. You can't shoot a bullet with another bullet.  It's just another insane Pentagon "defense" weapons plan that won't work.  It's like in an old Western when the cowboy is on a moving train, shooting Indians on horses.  You can't actually aim and hit a moving target when you are on a moving vehicle.

    Who is going to come out and stop this missile defense system bullshit?  The Pentagon crazies have actually written papers for years saying they want "complete control of space".  And you think people like me that rant about them wanting to take over the world are exaggerating?  Take over space?  The whole world "owns" space, not just America. I've heard schizophrenics on Market Street off their medications who make more sense than these nutjobs.

"The result is that the (National Missile Defense Program) is nothing more than a boondoggle in the sky...pulling in $130 billion in American taxpayer's money, a figure which on current plans would reach $1.2 trillion by 2015."

-- Johnathan Freedland,
  New York Review Of Books, June, 2007    

    The trouble with the people who believe in missile defense, like Bush, is they believe old movies too much. And the show "24", which is produced by a right-wing fanatic. They love it. They think it’s real. Hey, guys, it's a f--king TV show!  And not a realistic one, either. All the good guys are white, all the bad guys are always Arab, the women are never the heroes, they just sit in the control center behind a computer.  Everyone they torture actually tells them something useful.  And Jack Bauer single-handedly saves the planet every year in one day while never  taking a piss.  As I said before, the DoD called in the producers of "24" for advice in fighting the war on terror. I’ll tell you when I’m kidding. The producers said, "Make it fictional."  Defense said, "It already is..."  (NOW I'm kidding--I hope.)

     Reagan declared a "War On Terror" in 1981. Bush ripped him off! If Bush ever had an original thought in his brain, it would die of loneliness.  And we’ve been losing the "War On Terror" for 26 years?  Holy Christ.
   
   There has been no progress or victory of any kind in the fake-o war on terror. A study says terror attacks went up 25% worldwide in 2006, 14,000 attacks. Of course, 7,000 were in Iraq.

    The rest of the world is right: the world's biggest terrorist is George Bush. Why? He causes terror in his citizens. Not just with the 13 major false terror threats and alerts and claims, but just by looking at him.  He’s truly scary!  A Koser replied to one of my diaries, saying Bush obviously has "Narcissistic Personality Disorder".  I think it’s worse than that, because he has absolutely nothing to be narcisstic about.  They say he’s dyslexic.  That’s why he invaded Iraq instead of Iran.

    The civilians in DoD like Rumsfeld took over the military and destroyed it, completely broke it for a generation.  Then he finally "resigned" and Congress shooed in a "great choice" for new SOD, Robert Gates, former head of the CIA.  Well, there’s an incredible book "Legacy Of Ashes: The History Of The CIA" by Tim Weiner, which if you read it, will show you that the CIA is evil, but not the well-oiled machine of world turmoil and spying we all thought it was once.  It’s been completely dysfunctional and a massive, tragic failure since its' inception.  And Gates has been there for most of the egregious murders, coups, and failures to "defend" and secure our country.  Let’s review:

    1.  When Iran wanted battlefield intel for the war with Iraq, the CIA, who had already provided intel for Iraq against Iran when Saddam was our employee, wanted to do it. They were warned by the number-two man that the CIA was "aiding and abetting the wrong people....When we provide intelligence on the order of battle, we are giving the Iranians the wherewithal for offensive action."  The CIA rejected his advice.  He retired.  Gates took his place.  They helped Iran.  This is after the arms for hostages. Gates was there for the Ollie North Iran-Contra scandal, and the money from Saudi Arabia to finance coups and mass murder in Central America.  And the CIA has done much to make Iran what it is as a power, so that we can now claim they’re a danger to us and go to war with them. Halliburton can help them blow it up, and then get a no-bid contract to re-build it.  In business, this is called "synergy".

    (Bush and Cheney have been pushing for war with Iran for years (see Seymour Hersh’s articles in the New Yorker).  Petraeus said "Iran" 31 times, or was that Bush?

    And we’ve only avoided a nuclear World War III by fate and luck and perhaps the help of a higher power.  Nixon wanted to push the button because he thought everybody hated him.  Gerald Ford could have fallen on the button.  Reagan could have fallen asleep on the button.  Bush senior was too afraid to push it. Clinton could have had sex on the button. And now Bush has it.  But luckily, there’s a child-proof lock on it.  That’s why he hasn't pushed it yet.  Cheney could sneak in and push it—we still have almost 500 days to see if he will.  Like I’ve said, somebody please put an ankle bracelet on Cheney so we can monitor his movements, or something.  Of course, if they tracked him by satellite, he’d be pixilated automatically.)

    2.  Under Gates, and from the beginning, the CIA never knew anything about what was happening in the Soviet Union, even after DoD spent $250 billion on spy satellites. They thought that the Russians had thousands more nukes than they did (just like in 2003 with Saddam’s WMDs), they were "flabbergasted" (Wiener) when Gorbachev became a hero, they didn’t know the Wall would come down, they didn’t know shit.  They bankrupted our country on weapons because of their horribly bad intel, and they didn’t know we’d bankrupted the Soviets by making them make so many nukes.  Now the right says Reagan ended the Cold War.  He didn’t do anything of the sort.  The Soviet Union imploded, and Gates and his people had no clue.  They probably had agents who could go in who were Russian, but they didn’t use them because they were gay...

    3.   The Congress tried to overhaul the CIA (for the umpteenth time) in 1994 and on the commission was Porter Goss (name sound familiar?) and its' adviser was Paul Wolfowitz. Of course it was a screw-the-pooch all around.

    4.  Gates was ordered to draw up a list of "threats and targets".  He came up with 176 threats(!)  It overwhelmed the CIA, and they did nothing about any of them. Of course not--he listed more "threats" than there are countries in the world.

    Wiener says things were somewhat better when Gates ran the CIA, but his hands are bloody, like Wolfowitz’ and Negropontes' and all the others that Bush pulled into his circle. As I’ve said, Bush’s puppet-masters made him dig up people from the Nixon administration and the Reagan administration, like Rumsfeld and Cheney. And I don’t blame them much—I blame medical technology. Those old f--kers should be dead by now.  I don’t know what’s keeping those old fat bald pasty-faced bastards alive.  I think they live on the blood of virgins and small children, but call me a liberal...

    "Defense" defends us from nothing, even military weapons they made in the hands of civilians. Congress after the Virginia Tech massacre wanted a law saying suspected terrorists and people who have been institutionalized can't buy guns. The NRA was against it. I think it failed (someone correct me, please.) Second Amendment, Second Amendment! They don't care about any other Amendment, they'll let all our freedoms go down the toilet, but don't touch that sacred Second Amendment.
   
    These gun nuts have never even read the whole Amendment. It says we have the right to bear arms in a "militia". There is no militia. Glenn Beck on Headline News said we have "a God-given right to bear arms". And I ask, "Who Would Jesus Shoot?"
   
    This is the same NRA who made Bush let the ban on assault weapons-- which are used to kill cops--lapse, because hunters need to use machine guns to hunt deer. Really?  Not a lot of sport there, if it's true. And would you use a machine gun on a deer? You wouldn't get any steaks out of it, you'd be lucky to get some jerky.
 
    Texas just passed a law saying blind people can hunt. Well, they let Cheney do it, why not?

    As the old anti-war saying goes, "It Will Be A Better World When Charities Have All The Money They Need And The Pentagon Has To Have A Bake Sale To Buy A Tank".  Amen.

    (I am indebted to the following sources: Johnathan Freedland’s article in The New York Review Of Books, Greg Palast’s "ARMED MADHOUSE", the books of Noam Chomsky,"LEGACY OF ASHES" by Tim Wiener, and as always, Keith Olbermann and "Countdown", among many others.)

By Doug Ferrari, Comedian
dougferrari.com