The War On Sex

    This Administration has another war that doesn’t get talked about enough: The War On Sex.

    They have sex education in our schools now that doesn’t have sex and doesn’t have education.  A landmark study proves teens subjected to "abstinence education" have sex just as much as other teens.  They’ve blown $1.5 billion of our tax dollars down the toilet on that one.    When will these clowns learn you can’t keep an entire country in a state of total fear and panic for six years and then have a war on drugs or sex?  I’m sure drinking, drugs, and sex are at an all-time high.  People want to get blown before they get blown up.

This is what they "teach" our children:

1.  Abortion leads to suicide.
       2.  Condoms don’t work.
       3.  You can get AIDS from tears and sweat.

    Let’s review...

    Number one later.  Number two:  Condoms work 96-99% of the time, and stop the spread of AIDS and STDs.  But they tell the kids that they fail, that sperm leaks through the holes (!), and they don’t give them out anymore in many schools, or teach them how to use them, like my comedienne friend used to do in San Francisco schools, going into classrooms with condoms and a banana.  BUT, they scare them with AIDS.  They actually say this: "YOU CAN GET AIDS FROM A MOSQUITO."  I say, if your dick’s small enough to fuck a mosquito, why live?  Maybe they should keep teaching evolution, so teen boys will know what species to mate with.

    You can’t tell young people in America today not to have sex.  Young men and women already leave the house half-naked.  There are 12-year old girls all over America dressing like hookers.  They have the teased-up hair, the tropical fish makeup, eyebrows up to here, high-heeled shoes, ankle bracelets, half a shirt, stomach exposed (and when did stomachs become the new breasts?) and their pants made for them "low-cut", which means about one centimeter above the genitals.  The whole style screams "Amber Alert", doesn’t it?  I don’t know what their parents are thinking.  And that’s not even talking about the piercings and the tattoos.  Women now have what’s called a "coin slot" (I guess—I’m too old), which is showing the butt crack.  And they have to have a tattoo above it, usually a Asian symbol.  The tattoo guy tells them it means "Truth And Beauty", but it probably means "Beef And Broccoli".

    And I’ve seen young women’s pierced faces in San Francisco that are so covered, kissing them would be licking a tacklebox.

    And the boys are just as bad.  Every white boy in America wants to look like a rapper.  So their jeans are 30 sizes too big and they only come up to the knees.  The boxer shorts come up to their nipples, the whole package is hanging out, big-ass jacket hanging half-off, backwards baseball cap, and the shoelaces untied.  But they had that when I was in school—it was called "special kids".

    And hearings in Congress or not, you can’t keep them from watching hip-hop videos on 20 channels, with the objectification of women, always in bathing suits, with a fish-eye lens on the booty-shaking.  Now I’m a rock-and-roller and I always will be.  I’ve never heard a rap song all the way through.  But I respect rap and hip-hop because it’s the music of the young generation.  Years from now there will a couple on their front porch swing, and the wife will say,

    "Listen, honey—they’re playing Our Song".

    "WHACK THAT ASS ALL ON THE FLOOR—WHACK THAT ASS AND GIVE ME MORE!"

    (Crying, wiping eyes) "That’s so beautiful!  They played that at our wedding!"

    The right-wing fundamentalist evangelical jihadi "Christians" come into the high schools and get couples to take a vow of chastity and exchange silver rings, promising not to have sex before marriage.  But in every poll of high-schoolers, they say that oral and anal sex isn’t sex.  So there’s a lot of that.  Oprah had a show about "Lipstick Parties", where high school boys sit around a living room getting oral sex from young women wearing different colored lipstick.  Where was that shit when I was in high school?

    And part of the hidden agendas here is the systematic taking away of women’s choice, which has been happening since one minute after they got it.  Not just abolishing Roe v. Wade, bombing abortion clinics, and all that insanity.  I’m talking about pharmacists refusing to fill birth control pill prescriptions for women because it’s against their religious beliefs.  Get a new job, Sparky.  The right fought hard and long against the Morning-After pill.  But birth control is not terminating a pregnancy, is it?  I’m surprised these nuts aren’t having rallies in the street, shouting

    "Masturbation is murder!  Masturbation is murder!"

    Yes,  my friends, there is a War On Sex going on, which will fail completely, like the "War On Poverty", "The War On Drugs", "The War On Terror", and all the other fake "wars".  These people want to make this a Puritan country...AGAIN.  There are anti-sex laws on the books that are 150 years old, and still enforced.  They’re called "Sodomy Laws", which includes oral sex.  Even between consenting adults in what used to be called the "privacy" of their own home.  Even in the bedroom with the door locked. Even if the couple is married.  And they do enforce these laws.  But how?  Are there SWAT teams of "Sex Police" that kick in the bedroom door, shouting

    "Sex Police!  Put the penis down, lady, DO IT!...Okay, cuff him, Larry."

    "He’s already handcuffed, Sarge."

    This law went to the Supreme Court after they broke into the bedroom of two gay men in Texas, and the law was abolished—there.  But they are still on the books in 13 states.   And I want to know: what states?  Shouldn’t we get a color-coded map from AAA, in case we’re making travel plans?

    Husband: "Honey, see the state of Georgia, with the man’s face frowning and the red slash through it?  We’re going around, we’re going around..."

    This is what I tell people every show I do:  Sex is not "dirty".  It’s the stuff of poetry.  It’s the reason for living.  It’s the survival of the species.  It’s in our DNA.  It's in our genes.  This is true: I know because I saw it on the Discovery Channel.  Male fetuses, before they’re born, have ten to 15 pre-natal erections.  And all these years, you women have been touching your friend’s bellies and saying,

    "I feel him kicking!"

dougferrari.com